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The Project Gutenberg Etext of The Gambler, by Fyodor Dostoyevsky - səhifə 13

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and send it to De Griers."
"No, no; the General has not got it."
"Just as I expected! Well, what is the General going to do?"

Then an idea suddenly occurred to me. "What about the

Grandmother?" I asked.
Polina looked at me with impatience and bewilderment.
"What makes you speak of HER?" was her irritable inquiry. "I

cannot go and live with her. Nor," she added hotly, "will I go

down upon my knees to ANY ONE."
"Why should you?" I cried. "Yet to think that you should have

loved De Griers! The villain, the villain! But I will kill him

in a duel. Where is he now?"
"In Frankfort, where he will be staying for the next three

days."
"Well, bid me do so, and I will go to him by the first train

tomorrow," I exclaimed with enthusiasm.
She smiled.
"If you were to do that," she said, "he would merely

tell you to be so good as first to return him the fifty

thousand francs. What, then, would be the use of

having a quarrel with him? You talk sheer nonsense."


I ground my teeth.
"The question," I went on, "is how to raise the fifty thousand

francs. We cannot expect to find them lying about on the floor.

Listen. What of Mr. Astley?" Even as I spoke a new and strange

idea formed itself in my brain.


Her eyes flashed fire.
"What? YOU YOURSELF wish me to leave you for him?" she cried

with a scornful look and a proud smile. Never before had she

addressed me thus.
Then her head must have turned dizzy with emotion, for suddenly

she seated herself upon the sofa, as though she were powerless

any longer to stand.
A flash of lightning seemed to strike me as I stood there. I

could scarcely believe my eyes or my ears. She DID love me,

then! It WAS to me, and not to Mr. Astley, that she had turned!

Although she, an unprotected girl, had come to me in my room--in

an hotel room--and had probably compromised herself thereby, I

had not understood!


Then a second mad idea flashed into my brain.
"Polina," I said, "give me but an hour. Wait here just one

hour until I return. Yes, you MUST do so. Do you not see what I

mean? Just stay here for that time."
And I rushed from the room without so much as answering her look

of inquiry. She called something after me, but I did not return.


Sometimes it happens that the most insane thought, the most

impossible conception, will become so fixed in one's head that

at length one believes the thought or the conception to be

reality. Moreover, if with the thought or the conception there

is combined a strong, a passionate, desire, one will come to

look upon the said thought or conception as something fated,

inevitable, and foreordained--something bound to happen. Whether

by this there is connoted something in the nature of a

combination of presentiments, or a great effort of will, or a

self-annulment of one's true expectations, and so on, I do not

know; but, at all events that night saw happen to me (a night

which I shall never forget) something in the nature of the

miraculous. Although the occurrence can easily be explained by

arithmetic, I still believe it to have been a miracle. Yet why

did this conviction take such a hold upon me at the time, and

remain with me ever since? Previously, I had thought of the idea,

not as an occurrence which was ever likely to come about, but as

something which NEVER could come about.


The time was a quarter past eleven o'clock when I entered the

Casino in such a state of hope (though, at the same time, of

agitation) as I had never before experienced. In the

gaming-rooms there were still a large number of people, but not

half as many as had been present in the morning.
At eleven o'clock there usually remained behind only the real,

the desperate gamblers--persons for whom, at spas, there existed

nothing beyond roulette, and who went thither for that alone.

These gamesters took little note of what was going on around

them, and were interested in none of the appurtenances of the

season, but played from morning till night, and would have been

ready to play through the night until dawn had that been

possible. As it was, they used to disperse unwillingly when, at

midnight, roulette came to an end. Likewise, as soon as ever

roulette was drawing to a close and the head croupier had called

"Les trois derniers coups," most of them were ready to stake on

the last three rounds all that they had in their pockets--and,

for the most part, lost it. For my own part I proceeded towards

the table at which the Grandmother had lately sat; and, since the

crowd around it was not very large, I soon obtained standing

room among the ring of gamblers, while directly in front of me,

on the green cloth, I saw marked the word "Passe."
"Passe" was a row of numbers from 19 to 36 inclusive; while a

row of numbers from 1 to 18 inclusive was known as "Manque."

But what had that to do with me? I had not noticed--I had not so

much as heard the numbers upon which the previous coup had

fallen, and so took no bearings when I began to play, as, in my

place, any SYSTEMATIC gambler would have done. No, I merely

extended my stock of twenty ten-gulden pieces, and threw them

down upon the space "Passe" which happened to be confronting

me.
"Vingt-deux!" called the croupier.
I had won! I staked upon the same again--both my original stake

and my winnings.


"Trente-et-un!" called the croupier.
Again I had won, and was now in possession of eighty ten-gulden

pieces. Next, I moved the whole eighty on to twelve middle

numbers (a stake which, if successful, would bring me in a

triple profit, but also involved a risk of two chances to one).

The wheel revolved, and stopped at twenty-four. Upon this I was

paid out notes and gold until I had by my side a total sum of

two thousand gulden.
It was as in a fever that I moved the pile, en bloc, on to the

red. Then suddenly I came to myself (though that was the only

time during the evening's play when fear cast its cold spell

over me, and showed itself in a trembling of the hands and

knees). For with horror I had realised that I MUST win, and that

upon that stake there depended all my life.


"Rouge!" called the croupier. I drew a long breath, and hot

shivers went coursing over my body. I was paid out my winnings

in bank-notes--amounting, of course, to a total of four thousand

florins, eight hundred gulden (I could still calculate the

amounts).
After that, I remember, I again staked two thousand florins upon

twelve middle numbers, and lost. Again I staked the whole of

my gold, with eight hundred gulden, in notes, and lost. Then

madness seemed to come upon me, and seizing my last two thousand

florins, I staked them upon twelve of the first numbers--wholly

by chance, and at random, and without any sort of reckoning.

Upon my doing so there followed a moment of suspense only

comparable to that which Madame Blanchard must have experienced

when, in Paris, she was descending earthwards from a balloon.
"Quatre!" called the croupier.
Once more, with the addition of my original stake, I was in

possession of six thousand florins! Once more I looked around me

like a conqueror--once more I feared nothing as I threw down four

thousand of these florins upon the black. The croupiers glanced

around them, and exchanged a few words; the bystanders

murmured expectantly.


The black turned up. After that I do not exactly remember

either my calculations or the order of my stakings. I only

remember that, as in a dream, I won in one round sixteen

thousand florins; that in the three following rounds, I lost

twelve thousand; that I moved the remainder (four thousand) on

to "Passe" (though quite unconscious of what I was doing--I was

merely waiting, as it were, mechanically, and without

reflection, for something) and won; and that, finally, four

times in succession I lost. Yes, I can remember raking in money

by thousands--but most frequently on the twelve, middle numbers,

to which I constantly adhered, and which kept appearing in a

sort of regular order--first, three or four times running, and

then, after an interval of a couple of rounds, in another break

of three or four appearances. Sometimes, this astonishing

regularity manifested itself in patches; a thing to upset all

the calculations of note--taking gamblers who play with a

pencil and a memorandum book in their hands Fortune perpetrates

some terrible jests at roulette!


Since my entry not more than half an hour could have elapsed.

Suddenly a croupier informed me that I had, won thirty thousand

florins, as well as that, since the latter was the limit for

which, at any one time, the bank could make itself responsible,

roulette at that table must close for the night. Accordingly, I

caught up my pile of gold, stuffed it into my pocket, and,

grasping my sheaf of bank-notes, moved to the table in an

adjoining salon where a second game of roulette was in

progress. The crowd followed me in a body, and cleared a place

for me at the table; after which, I proceeded to stake as

before--that is to say, at random and without calculating. What

saved me from ruin I do not know.


Of course there were times when fragmentary reckonings DID come

flashing into my brain. For instance, there were times when I

attached myself for a while to certain figures and coups--though

always leaving them, again before long, without knowing what I

was doing.
In fact, I cannot have been in possession of all my faculties,

for I can remember the croupiers correcting my play more than

once, owing to my having made mistakes of the gravest order. My

brows were damp with sweat, and my hands were shaking. Also,

Poles came around me to proffer their services, but I heeded

none of them. Nor did my luck fail me now. Suddenly, there arose

around me a loud din of talking and laughter. " Bravo, bravo! "

was the general shout, and some people even clapped their hands.

I had raked in thirty thousand florins, and again the bank had

had to close for the night!


"Go away now, go away now," a voice whispered to me on my

right. The person who had spoken to me was a certain Jew of

Frankfurt--a man who had been standing beside me the whole while,

and occasionally helping me in my play.


"Yes, for God's sake go," whispered a second voice in my left

ear. Glancing around, I perceived that the second voice had come

from a modestly, plainly dressed lady of rather less than

thirty--a woman whose face, though pale and sickly-looking, bore

also very evident traces of former beauty. At the moment, I was

stuffing the crumpled bank-notes into my pockets and collecting

all the gold that was left on the table. Seizing up my last note

for five hundred gulden, I contrived to insinuate it,

unperceived, into the hand of the pale lady. An overpowering

impulse had made me do so, and I remember how her thin little

fingers pressed mine in token of her lively gratitude. The whole

affair was the work of a moment.


Then, collecting my belongings, I crossed to where trente et

quarante was being played--a game which could boast of a more

aristocratic public, and was played with cards instead of with a

wheel. At this diversion the bank made itself responsible for a

hundred thousand thalers as the limit, but the highest stake

allowable was, as in roulette, four thousand florins. Although I

knew nothing of the game--and I scarcely knew the stakes,

except those on black and red--I joined the ring of players,

while the rest of the crowd massed itself around me. At this

distance of time I cannot remember whether I ever gave a thought

to Polina; I seemed only to be conscious of a vague pleasure in

seizing and raking in the bank-notes which kept massing

themselves in a pile before me.
But, as ever, fortune seemed to be at my back. As though of set

purpose, there came to my aid a circumstance which not

infrequently repeats itself in gaming. The circumstance is that

not infrequently luck attaches itself to, say, the red, and does

not leave it for a space of say, ten, or even fifteen, rounds

in succession. Three days ago I had heard that, during the

previous week there had been a run of twenty-two coups on the

red--an occurrence never before known at roulette--so that men

spoke of it with astonishment. Naturally enough, many deserted

the red after a dozen rounds, and practically no one could now

be found to stake upon it. Yet upon the black also--the

antithesis of the red--no experienced gambler would stake

anything, for the reason that every practised player knows the

meaning of "capricious fortune." That is to say, after the

sixteenth (or so) success of the red, one would think that the

seventeenth coup would inevitably fall upon the black; wherefore,

novices would be apt to back the latter in the seventeenth

round, and even to double or treble their stakes upon it--only,

in the end, to lose.
Yet some whim or other led me, on remarking that the red had

come up consecutively for seven times, to attach myself to that

colour. Probably this was mostly due to self-conceit, for I

wanted to astonish the bystanders with the riskiness of my play.

Also, I remember that--oh, strange sensation!--I suddenly, and

without any challenge from my own presumption, became obsessed

with a DESIRE to take risks. If the spirit has passed through a

great many sensations, possibly it can no longer be sated with

them, but grows more excited, and demands more sensations, and

stronger and stronger ones, until at length it falls exhausted.

Certainly, if the rules of the game had permitted even of my

staking fifty thousand florins at a time, I should have staked

them. All of a sudden I heard exclamations arising that the

whole thing was a marvel, since the red was turning up for the

fourteenth time!
"Monsieur a gagne cent mille florins," a voice exclaimed beside

me.
I awoke to my senses. What? I had won a hundred thousand

florins? If so, what more did I need to win? I grasped the

banknotes, stuffed them into my pockets, raked in the gold

without counting it, and started to leave the Casino. As I

passed through the salons people smiled to see my

bulging pockets and unsteady gait, for the weight which I was

carrying must have amounted to half a pood! Several hands I saw

stretched out in my direction, and as I passed I filled them

with all the money that I could grasp in my own. At length two

Jews stopped me near the exit.
"You are a bold young fellow," one said, "but mind you depart

early tomorrow--as early as you can--for if you do not you will

lose everything that you have won."
But I did not heed them. The Avenue was so dark that it was

barely possible to distinguish one's hand before one's face,

while the distance to the hotel was half a verst or so; but I

feared neither pickpockets nor highwaymen. Indeed, never since

my boyhood have I done that. Also, I cannot remember what I

thought about on the way. I only felt a sort of fearful pleasure

--the pleasure of success, of conquest, of power (how can I best

express it?). Likewise, before me there flitted the image of

Polina; and I kept remembering, and reminding myself, that it

was to HER I was going, that it was in HER presence I should

soon be standing, that it was SHE to whom I should soon be able

to relate and show everything. Scarcely once did I recall what

she had lately said to me, or the reason why I had left her, or

all those varied sensations which I had been experiencing a bare

hour and a half ago. No, those sensations seemed to be things of

the past, to be things which had righted themselves and grown

old, to be things concerning which we needed to trouble

ourselves no longer, since, for us, life was about to begin

anew. Yet I had just reached the end of the Avenue when there

DID come upon me a fear of being robbed or murdered. With each

step the fear increased until, in my terror, I almost started to

run. Suddenly, as I issued from the Avenue, there burst upon me

the lights of the hotel, sparkling with a myriad lamps! Yes,

thanks be to God, I had reached home!


Running up to my room, I flung open the door of it. Polina was

still on the sofa, with a lighted candle in front of her, and

her hands clasped. As I entered she stared at me in astonishment

(for, at the moment, I must have presented a strange spectacle).

All I did, however, was to halt before her, and fling upon the

table my burden of wealth.


XV
I remember, too, how, without moving from her place, or changing

her attitude, she gazed into my face.


"I have won two hundred thousand francs!" cried I as I pulled

out my last sheaf of bank-notes. The pile of paper currency

occupied the whole table. I could not withdraw my eyes from it.

Consequently, for a moment or two Polina escaped my mind. Then I

set myself to arrange the pile in order, and to sort the notes,

and to mass the gold in a separate heap. That done, I left

everything where it lay, and proceeded to pace the room with

rapid strides as I lost myself in thought. Then I darted to the

table once more, and began to recount the money; until all of a

sudden, as though I had remembered something, I rushed to the

door, and closed and double-locked it. Finally I came to a

meditative halt before my little trunk.


"Shall I put the money there until tomorrow?" I asked,

turning sharply round to Polina as the recollection of her

returned to me.
She was still in her old place--still making not a sound. Yet her

eyes had followed every one of my movements. Somehow in her face

there was a strange expression--an expression which I did not

like. I think that I shall not be wrong if I say that it

indicated sheer hatred.
Impulsively I approached her.
"Polina," I said, "here are twenty-five thousand florins--fifty

thousand francs, or more. Take them, and tomorrow throw them

in De Griers' face."
She returned no answer.
"Or, if you should prefer," I continued, "let me take

them to him myself tomorrow--yes, early tomorrow morning. Shall

I?"
Then all at once she burst out laughing, and laughed for a long

while. With astonishment and a feeling of offence I gazed at

her. Her laughter was too like the derisive merriment which she

had so often indulged in of late--merriment which had broken

forth always at the time of my most passionate explanations. At

length she ceased, and frowned at me from under her eyebrows.


"I am NOT going to take your money," she said contemptuously.
"Why not?" I cried. "Why not, Polina?"
"Because I am not in the habit of receiving money for nothing."
"But I am offering it to you as a FRIEND in the same way I

would offer you my very life."


Upon this she threw me a long, questioning glance, as though she

were seeking to probe me to the depths.


"You are giving too much for me," she remarked with a smile.

"The beloved of De Griers is not worth fifty thousand francs."


"Oh Polina, how can you speak so?" I exclaimed reproachfully.

"Am I De Griers?"


"You?" she cried with her eyes suddenly flashing. "Why, I

HATE you! Yes, yes, I HATE you! I love you no more than I do De

Griers."
Then she buried her face in her hands, and relapsed into

hysterics. I darted to her side. Somehow I had an intuition of

something having happened to her which had nothing to do with

myself. She was like a person temporarily insane.


"Buy me, would you, would you? Would you buy me for fifty

thousand francs as De Griers did?" she gasped between her

convulsive sobs.
I clasped her in my arms, kissed her hands and feet, and fell

upon my knees before her.


Presently the hysterical fit passed away, and, laying her hands

upon my shoulders, she gazed for a while into my face, as though

trying to read it--something I said to her, but it was clear

that she did not hear it. Her face looked so dark and despondent

that I began to fear for her reason. At length she drew me towards

herself--a trustful smile playing over her features; and then,

as suddenly, she pushed me away again as she eyed me dimly.
Finally she threw herself upon me in an embrace.
"You love me?" she said. "DO you?--you who were willing even to

quarrel with the Baron at my bidding?"


Then she laughed--laughed as though something dear, but

laughable, had recurred to her memory. Yes, she laughed and wept

at the same time. What was I to do? I was like a man in a fever.

I remember that she began to say something to me--though WHAT I do

not know, since she spoke with a feverish lisp, as though she

were trying to tell me something very quickly. At intervals,

too, she would break off into the smile which I was beginning to

dread. "No, no!" she kept repeating. "YOU are my dear one;

YOU are the man I trust." Again she laid her hands upon my

shoulders, and again she gazed at me as she reiterated: "You love

me, you love me? Will you ALWAYS love me?" I could not take my

eyes off her. Never before had I seen her in this mood of

humility and affection. True, the mood was the outcome of

hysteria; but--! All of a sudden she noticed my ardent gaze, and

smiled slightly. The next moment, for no apparent reason, she

began to talk of Astley.


She continued talking and talking about him, but I could not

make out all she said--more particularly when she was

endeavouring to tell me of something or other which had happened

recently. On the whole, she appeared to be laughing at Astley,

for she kept repeating that he was waiting for her, and did I

know whether, even at that moment, he was not standing beneath

the window? "Yes, yes, he is there," she said. "Open the

window, and see if he is not." She pushed me in that direction;

yet, no sooner did I make a movement to obey her behest than she

burst into laughter, and I remained beside her, and she

embraced me.
"Shall we go away tomorrow?" presently she asked, as though

some disturbing thought had recurred to her recollection. "How

would it be if we were to try and overtake Grandmamma? I think

we should do so at Berlin. And what think you she would have to



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